It’s not their fault, it’s their brain’s fault
Dr. Smita Dipankar 
Do you blame your teen or yourself, often wondering whose fault it is?
“How many times do I have to repeat myself?”
“When will you be organized? Will you ever be responsible?”
“Stop being rebellious.”
“Couldn’t you just call or inform when you reached your friend’s place?”
Be it with your 10- or 19-year-old, do you have these complaints?
Or
Do you feel guilty of being a bad parent, wondering what’s your fault?
Well, breathe! It’s neither your fault nor theirs. It’s their brain’s fault. Specifically, the Prefrontal cortex and the Frontal lobe.
Around 80% of brain development occurs during first 10 years of life. Remaining 20% brain continues to develop slowly during age 10 to 20. The frontal lobe and the prefrontal cortex are part of that 20% and reach full maturity only by mid-to-late 20s.
Though it is the latest mature lobe, the frontal lobe control most crucial functions like thinking, problem solving, planning, organizing and many more.
Being the rational part of the brain, the prefrontal cortex is responsible for behavior control and decision making by assessing risks and judgement.
Since there is minimal development happening in this lobe, these functions are not developed yet. This is why your 10 to 22 years old are unable to meet your simple expectations.
Wait! Don’t panic!
There is a simple way out. All these functions are a learned skill, so repetition is the key. Instead of getting upset for having to repeat things, be happy you are teaching them a skill.
Expert Tip: To avoid arguments, talk to your child as a 2-year-old and get creative every time you need to repeat the same things.
Next time you feel angry, breathe, smile and say,
“It’s not my child’s fault. It’s the brain’s fault. My child’s brain is work in progress”.
Categories: : Judgement, Parenting, Simplifying Teenage, Teenagers